and here we go again.

Damn me for never being able to finish anything I start. Especially nowadays. Gone are the Xanga days where I felt free enough to ramble off my list of life's shortcomings. Now, I have this ... privacy issue? I don't like to put my real thoughts and emotions out there. I'm pretty sure this has to do with the fact I'm no longer 15. This is real shit, and these emotions are as hardcore and raw as they come.

In real life (you know ... that place OUTSIDE of the wonderfully adaptable Internet!) I have learned to keep my emotions to myself. I've learned to be a solider of life and march on with face as straight and cold as they come. Emotions show weakness! Emotions make you vulnerable. If you hide your emotions you are mentally solid as the brick wall you've become. Or so I've come to believe ... but alas, I'm quickly learning that even the strongest of walls become cracked. And after that they will quickly crumble. I am that cracked brick wall. I've come to a place in my life where I feel as if my voice doesn't matter. Nobody listens to little, old, naive, silly me. After feeling as if nobody has been listening for so long, I've become aware of something that scares my shit-less: I've stopped listening to myself.

Hence the reason why I've taken to a blog. This is my blog. My personal journal to unleash the thoughts and feelings inside me. My personal self-mortar; if you will; because once upon a time I used to take solace in writing. It made me feel whole, and I need to feel whole again before I come crumbling down.